'America, but better': Satirical Canada Party 'enters' U.S. election race

Sorry, Americans, but there's only one political party fit to govern the United States.

It's called the Canada Party, and its tongue-in-cheek spokesman is promising to deliver "America, but better," if our country is elected in 2016.

See Full Article

That's right: the Canada Party is offering up the entire Canadian population to govern the United States – some 34 million of "the politest people you will ever meet, working in shifts" to lead the U.S.

Pitchman Brian Calvert lays out the Canada Party's satirical platform in a video posted to YouTube, in which he directly addresses Canadians' neighbours to the south.

"As your whitest neighbour, we realize you don't think about us very much. But that's okay, because we've been thinking about you," Calvert says in the video.

Calvert lists off many of the problems our country could solve for the United States, including gun control and racism.

"Your country is on fire, and your leaders are whittling sticks for their marshmallows," Calvert says. "And Congress is debating whether guns have the right to marry other guns.

"We'll help solve your race problem, just as soon as we figure out why you still have a race problem," he adds.

The satirical Canada Party has been around since 2012, when it first threw its toque into the U.S. election race.

This year it's returned, with a strong Twitter presence to back its latest video. During the last few Republican and Democratic debates, for instance, the Canada Party tweeted several biting comments about U.S. foreign policy.

The #FOXDebate is doing a whole section on domestic terrorism, all highlighting Muslims. Not one Q about whites. Please check your stats.

— The Canada Party (@theCanadaParty) January 29, 2016

The US has far more domestic terrorists than immigrated terrorists. Maybe deport your own citizens first. #math#GOPDebate

— The Canada Party (@theCanadaParty) January 29, 2016

blahblah...iowaflattery...blahblah...Muslims...blahblah...abortions...blahblah...thanksobama...#FOXDebate

— The Canada Party (@theCanadaParty) January 29, 2016

The party was founded by writer and former U.S. Marine Chris Cannon, who now lives in Vancouver, and Canadian actor Brian Calvert.

The Canada Party website includes a full list of platform ideas, all with tongue-in-cheek suggestions to "fix" America's problems. For instance, on the issue of gay rights, they propose "that America allow one gay couple to marry for every straight couple that gets divorced." In terms of immigration, the Canada Party suggests launching a series of reality shows based on unrest in other countries. And when it comes to gun control, they suggest each gun should have the right to carry its own gun, to protect itself from its owners.

"We know America is a great country, we just want to make it good again," Calvert says in the party's pitch video.



Advertisements

Latest Canada & World News

  • Toronto Public Health orders 3 restaurants to close to slow COVID-19 spread

    Canada News CBC News
    Toronto Public Health has ordered three restaurants on King Street West to close to protect the public from COVID-19. In a news release on Saturday, the public health unit said the restaurants are: MARBL, 455 King St. W.; King Taps, 100 King St. Source
  • Nevada woman accused of bitcoin murder-for-hire plot

    World News CTV News
    RENO, NEV. -- A federal grand jury in California has indicted a Nevada woman accused of trying to hire a hit man on the internet for $5,000 in bitcoin to kill her ex-husband. Kristy Lynn Felkins, 36, of Fallon, is accused of communicating with someone in 2016 on a website that purported to offer murder-for-hire services. Source
  • Brazil's Bolsonaro released from hospital after surgery

    World News CTV News
    RIO DE JANEIRO -- Brazilian President Jair Bolsonaro was released from hospital Saturday, the government said, a day after he underwent surgery to remove a bladder stone. "The president... was released from Albert Einstein Hospital in Sao Paulo this afternoon at 1:30 pm," said a brief statement issued by the communications ministry and signed by Bolsonaro's medical team. Source
  • Mexico to pursue soldiers, federal police in abduction probe

    World News CTV News
    MEXICO CITY -- Mexico has issued 25 arrest warrants for those who carried out and knew about the abduction of 43 students in southern Mexico in 2014, including for the first time members of the military and federal police, the Attorney General's Office announced Saturday. Source
  • Greek police seize 500,000 ecstasy pills, arrest 3 people

    World News CTV News
    THESSALONIKI, GREECE -- Greek police said Saturday they have seized 500,000 ecstasy pills and arrested three people. The operation took place Friday in Thessaloniki, Greece's second-largest city, police said. The street value of the pills was 10 million euros (CAD$15.5 million). Source
  • How Trump, Biden are preparing for first presidential debate

    World News CTV News
    WASHINGTON -- Ahead of the first debate-stage matchup between U.S. President Donald Trump and his Democratic challenger Joe Biden, each campaign is promising a stark contrast in policy, personality and preparation. Trump has decided to skip any formal preparation. Source
  • Scores arrested in protest against Belarus' president

    World News CTV News
    KYIV, UKRAINE -- Hundreds of women calling for the authoritarian president to step down protested in Belarus' capital on Saturday, continuing the large demonstrations that have rocked the country since early August. Police blocked off the centre of Minsk and arrested more than 80 demonstrators, according to the Viasna human rights organization. Source
  • Proud Boys rally has Portland, Ore., in weekend state of emergency

    World News CBC News
    Thousands of supporters of the far-right Proud Boys group were expected in Portland, Ore., on Saturday as police prepared for clashes in a city that has become the epicentre of sometimes deadly political violence in the run-up to the Nov. Source
  • Dozens in body armour arrive in Portland, Ore., for far-right rally as tensions escalate in U.S.

    World News CBC News
    Thousands of supporters of the far-right Proud Boys group were expected in Portland, Ore., on Saturday as police prepared for clashes in a city that has become the epicentre of sometimes deadly political violence in the run-up to the Nov. Source
  • First Nations police services look to throne speech pledge for higher, stable funding

    Canada News CBC News
    The Rama Police Service, which serves the Chippewas of Rama First Nation, does not have dedicated funding for forensic and crime investigation units, or to provide aid to victims. Rama police Chief Jerel Swamp said the force provides front-line, culturally responsive policing to the community near Orillia, Ont. Source