'America, but better': Satirical Canada Party 'enters' U.S. election race

Sorry, Americans, but there's only one political party fit to govern the United States.

It's called the Canada Party, and its tongue-in-cheek spokesman is promising to deliver "America, but better," if our country is elected in 2016.

See Full Article

That's right: the Canada Party is offering up the entire Canadian population to govern the United States – some 34 million of "the politest people you will ever meet, working in shifts" to lead the U.S.

Pitchman Brian Calvert lays out the Canada Party's satirical platform in a video posted to YouTube, in which he directly addresses Canadians' neighbours to the south.

"As your whitest neighbour, we realize you don't think about us very much. But that's okay, because we've been thinking about you," Calvert says in the video.

Calvert lists off many of the problems our country could solve for the United States, including gun control and racism.

"Your country is on fire, and your leaders are whittling sticks for their marshmallows," Calvert says. "And Congress is debating whether guns have the right to marry other guns.

"We'll help solve your race problem, just as soon as we figure out why you still have a race problem," he adds.

The satirical Canada Party has been around since 2012, when it first threw its toque into the U.S. election race.

This year it's returned, with a strong Twitter presence to back its latest video. During the last few Republican and Democratic debates, for instance, the Canada Party tweeted several biting comments about U.S. foreign policy.

The #FOXDebate is doing a whole section on domestic terrorism, all highlighting Muslims. Not one Q about whites. Please check your stats.

— The Canada Party (@theCanadaParty) January 29, 2016

The US has far more domestic terrorists than immigrated terrorists. Maybe deport your own citizens first. #math#GOPDebate

— The Canada Party (@theCanadaParty) January 29, 2016

blahblah...iowaflattery...blahblah...Muslims...blahblah...abortions...blahblah...thanksobama...#FOXDebate

— The Canada Party (@theCanadaParty) January 29, 2016

The party was founded by writer and former U.S. Marine Chris Cannon, who now lives in Vancouver, and Canadian actor Brian Calvert.

The Canada Party website includes a full list of platform ideas, all with tongue-in-cheek suggestions to "fix" America's problems. For instance, on the issue of gay rights, they propose "that America allow one gay couple to marry for every straight couple that gets divorced." In terms of immigration, the Canada Party suggests launching a series of reality shows based on unrest in other countries. And when it comes to gun control, they suggest each gun should have the right to carry its own gun, to protect itself from its owners.

"We know America is a great country, we just want to make it good again," Calvert says in the party's pitch video.



Advertisements

Latest Canada & World News

  • Report to urge charges against Brazil's leader over pandemic

    World News CBC News
    Brazilians will turn their focus on Wednesday to the Senate, where a report six months in the making will recommend President Jair Bolsonaro be indicted on criminal charges for allegedly bungling the response to the COVID-19 pandemic, and pushing the country's death toll to second-highest in the world. Source
  • Nikolas Cruz set to plead guilty to Parkland massacre

    World News CTV News
    FORT LAUDERDALE, FLA. -- Nikolas Cruz is scheduled to plead guilty to 17 counts of first-degree murder Wednesday for the 2018 shooting massacre at a Florida high school, as his attorneys turn their focus to saving him from a death sentence. Source
  • Volcano in southern Japan erupts with massive smoke column

    World News CTV News
    TOKYO -- A volcano in southern Japan erupted Wednesday with a massive column of gray smoke billowing into the sky. The Japan Meteorological Agency raised the warning level for Mount Aso to three on a scale of five, warning hikers and residents to avoid the mountain. Source
  • Negotiations drag on over 17 missionaries kidnapped in Haiti

    World News CTV News
    PORT-AU-PRINCE, HAITI -- Negotiations stretched into a fourth day seeking the return of 17 members of a U.S.-based missionary group kidnapped over the weekend by a violent gang that is demanding US$1 million ransom per person. Source
  • 4-time Stanley Cup winner Mike Bossy reveals lung cancer diagnosis

    Canada News CBC News
    Former New York Islanders winger and TVA hockey analyst Mike Bossy is battling lung cancer. He announced the news in a letter to TVA Sports Tuesday. "It is with a lot of sadness that I need to step away from your screens for a necessary pause. Source
  • Brazil senators readying call for Bolsonaro criminal charges

    World News CTV News
    BRASILIA, BRAZIL -- Brazilian senators met into Tuesday night discussing a report that will recommend President Jair Bolsonaro be indicted on criminal charges for allegedly bungling the response to the COVID-19 pandemic, and pushing the country's death toll to second-highest in the world. Source
  • Mexico touts renewables, while blocking solar, wind projects

    World News CTV News
    MEXICO CITY -- Mexico's government claimed Tuesday that it is leading a transition to more renewable energy, even though President Andres Manuel Lopez Obrador is pushing to restrict private wind and solar projects. In a statement following a visit by U.S. Source
  • 'By mistake they shot me': Coquitlam, B.C., man who survived shooting hoping for justice

    Canada News CTV News
    COQUITLAM, B.C. - A Metro Vancouver man says it’s a miracle he’s alive after becoming the innocent victim of a shooting earlier this year. Speaking through a translator on Tuesday, Nader Ahmadirad said he was working a second job at a food delivery company in January when he was shot multiple times outside a local home. Source
  • Squid Game and other popular titles help propel Netflix to higher 3rd-quarter earnings

    World News CBC News
    Netflix posted sharply higher third-quarter earnings Tuesday thanks to a stronger slate of titles, including Squid Game, the dystopian survival drama from South Korea that the company says became its biggest-ever TV show. The company has ramped up production, rebounding from pandemic-induced delays in the first half of the year. Source
  • Facebook pays $4.75M US fine plus back pay to settle suit alleging it favoured foreign workers

    World News CBC News
    Facebook is paying a $4.75 million US ($5.87 million Cdn) fine and up to $9.5 million US ($11.8 million Cdn) to eligible victims to resolve the U.S. Justice Department's allegations that it discriminated against American workers in favour of foreigners with special visas to fill high-paying jobs. Source