'America, but better': Satirical Canada Party 'enters' U.S. election race

Sorry, Americans, but there's only one political party fit to govern the United States.

It's called the Canada Party, and its tongue-in-cheek spokesman is promising to deliver "America, but better," if our country is elected in 2016.

See Full Article

That's right: the Canada Party is offering up the entire Canadian population to govern the United States – some 34 million of "the politest people you will ever meet, working in shifts" to lead the U.S.

Pitchman Brian Calvert lays out the Canada Party's satirical platform in a video posted to YouTube, in which he directly addresses Canadians' neighbours to the south.

"As your whitest neighbour, we realize you don't think about us very much. But that's okay, because we've been thinking about you," Calvert says in the video.

Calvert lists off many of the problems our country could solve for the United States, including gun control and racism.

"Your country is on fire, and your leaders are whittling sticks for their marshmallows," Calvert says. "And Congress is debating whether guns have the right to marry other guns.

"We'll help solve your race problem, just as soon as we figure out why you still have a race problem," he adds.

The satirical Canada Party has been around since 2012, when it first threw its toque into the U.S. election race.

This year it's returned, with a strong Twitter presence to back its latest video. During the last few Republican and Democratic debates, for instance, the Canada Party tweeted several biting comments about U.S. foreign policy.

The #FOXDebate is doing a whole section on domestic terrorism, all highlighting Muslims. Not one Q about whites. Please check your stats.

— The Canada Party (@theCanadaParty) January 29, 2016

The US has far more domestic terrorists than immigrated terrorists. Maybe deport your own citizens first. #math#GOPDebate

— The Canada Party (@theCanadaParty) January 29, 2016

blahblah...iowaflattery...blahblah...Muslims...blahblah...abortions...blahblah...thanksobama...#FOXDebate

— The Canada Party (@theCanadaParty) January 29, 2016

The party was founded by writer and former U.S. Marine Chris Cannon, who now lives in Vancouver, and Canadian actor Brian Calvert.

The Canada Party website includes a full list of platform ideas, all with tongue-in-cheek suggestions to "fix" America's problems. For instance, on the issue of gay rights, they propose "that America allow one gay couple to marry for every straight couple that gets divorced." In terms of immigration, the Canada Party suggests launching a series of reality shows based on unrest in other countries. And when it comes to gun control, they suggest each gun should have the right to carry its own gun, to protect itself from its owners.

"We know America is a great country, we just want to make it good again," Calvert says in the party's pitch video.



Advertisements

Latest Canada & World News

  • Warriors coach Kerr calls for gun control after Texas school shooting

    World News CTV News
    Golden State Warriors coach Steve Kerr refused to talk about basketball at a pre-game news conference on Tuesday and instead called for stricter gun control after the killing of at least 18 children and an adult in a Texas school shooting. Source
  • Family grieves teacher killed in Texas school massacre

    World News CTV News
    Eva Mireles on Tuesday went to a job she seemed to love, teaching fourth grade in the small Texas town of Uvalde, but she never came home, murdered along with 19 pupils and another teacher in the latest mass shooting to plague U.S. Source
  • Texas elementary school's end-of-year plans shattered by shooting

    World News CTV News
    The children at Robb Elementary School in Uvalde, Texas, were two days away from their summer break when Tuesday's massacre unfolded. They had visited the zoo and participated in a gifted-and-talented showcase, recent posts on the school's Facebook page showed. Source
  • Delegations from Sweden and Finland in Turkey for NATO talks

    World News CTV News
    ANKARA, Turkey - Senior officials from Sweden and Finland met with Turkish counterparts in Ankara on Wednesday in an effort to overcome Turkey's strong objections to the Nordic nations' bids to join NATO. Sweden and Finland submitted their written applications to join NATO last week. Source
  • Pakistan raises roadblocks to stop ex-prime minister's banned rally

    World News CTV News
    ISLAMABAD - Pakistani authorities used dozens of shipping containers and trucks to block off major roads into Islamabad on Wednesday, after a defiant former prime minister Imran Khan said he would march with demonstrators to the city centre for a rally he hopes will bring down the government and force early elections. Source
  • Marcos Jr. proclaimed next Philippine president with huge win

    World News CTV News
    MANILA, Philippines - Ferdinand Marcos Jr. was proclaimed the next president of the Philippines by a joint session of Congress on Wednesday following a landslide election triumph 36 years after his dictator father was ousted in a pro-democracy uprising. Source
  • Palestinian teen shot dead in Israeli raid on West Bank

    World News CTV News
    JERUSALEM - Health authorities said a 16-year-old Palestinian died early Wednesday after being wounded during clashes with Israeli forces in the occupied West Bank, the latest in a wave of violence that has persisted for months. Source
  • Russia launches fresh offensive, wants sanctions relief to free up Ukraine food supply routes

    World News CBC News
    Russian forces launched offensives on towns in eastern Ukraine on Wednesday, with constant mortar bombardment destroying several houses and killing civilians, Ukrainian officials said, as Russia focuses its attack on the industrial Donbas region. Russia has been focused on attempting to seize the separatist-claimed Donbas's two provinces, Donetsk and Luhansk, and trap Ukrainian forces in a pocket on the main eastern front, according to Ukrainian officials. Source
  • Winnipeg River, already flowing at a record volume, slated to rise even higher

    Canada News CBC News
    The Winnipeg River is flowing at a record volume in Manitoba because officials no longer have any other option to control flooding across a vast swath of northwestern Ontario and northern Minnesota. Flooding on the Winnipeg River, which is running at about three-and-a-half times higher its usual volume this time of year, has already forced hundreds of people from their homes and washed out roads in Whiteshell Provincial Park. Source
  • How one stone gave a Halifax-area park heritage status

    Canada News CBC News
    A hulking, rocking chunk of granite that's been attracting visitors for two centuries and is rumoured to have caught the attention of royalty has had its historical importance to the Halifax area set in stone. The Halifax Regional Municipality awarded heritage status last week to the Rocking Stone and the surrounding Kidston Lake Park in the community of Spryfield. Source